DownloadMoreIons.online

It needs more ions? Just download some more.

Flickering lights? Gurgling drains? Breaker tripping for no reason? The professionals agree†: it needs more ions. Get them here, free, instantly, straight down the wire (or pipe).

Get Ions Now

— ions served and counting

† Two professionals. One of them was joking. We're not sure which.

Ion Downloader v6.022

1 Pick your ion
2 How many?
3 Polarity
4 Installed by

Does it need more ions?

Common warning signs, as reported by the trades.

Electrical

  • Lights flicker when the kettle's on
  • Breaker trips at 3am out of spite
  • Multimeter just reads "eh"
  • Power point feels "a bit off" when you lick it (don't)
  • Electrician says it's a plumbing problem

Plumbing

  • Water pressure has given up on life
  • Drain makes a noise like a sad goose
  • Hot water is merely "warm-ish"
  • Tap drips in Morse code. It's spelling "IONS"
  • Plumber says it's an electrical problem

Diagnosis: it needs more ions. It always needs more ions.

Our Story

It started on a job site. An electrician and a plumber. A fault nobody could find. Hours of finger-pointing. Every trade's worst nightmare: having to work together.

"It needs more ions."

— one of them, staring at a wall

"Just download some more."

— the other one, not looking up from his phone

Nobody laughed. Then everybody laughed. Then someone actually tried it. And here we are. To this day neither of them will admit whose idea it was, and neither of them will admit the other one is any good at their job. That's the magic of the trades.

What the pros are saying

★★★★★
"Ran a new circuit, still tripping. Downloaded 2 mol of sodium and she's been sweet ever since."
— Licensed Electrician
★★★★★
"Told the sparky it needed more ions as a joke. He sent me this link. Water pressure's never been better. I'm furious."
— Master Plumber
★☆☆☆☆
"Plumbers think ions come out of the tap. Adorable."
— Anonymous Electrician
★☆☆☆☆
"Electricians think ions come out of the wall. Adorable."
— Anonymous Plumber
★★★★☆
"Selected 'Way too many'. My kettle now hums the national anthem. Minus one star."
— Concerned Homeowner
★★★★★
"I don't know what an ion is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask."
— Second Year Apprentice

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this safe?

All ions are pre-earthed, pressure tested, and inspected by a guy named Gary. Gary says they're fine.

Do I need a licensed electrician to install them?

No. A plumber can install them too. They'll just do it wrong.

Do I need a licensed plumber to install them?

No. An electrician can install them too. They'll just do it wrong, but with more confidence.

Will it work with copper pipes?

Copper loves ions. Copper wire, copper pipe, copper coins down the back of the couch. All compatible.

Can I download ions on my phone?

Your phone runs on lithium-ion batteries. Where do you think the ions came from? Exactly.

Why is it free?

Ions are a renewable resource. We mostly harvest them from plumbers' water. They haven't noticed.

I downloaded too many ions. What do I do?

Run a tap and flick a light switch at the same time. The excess ions will sort themselves out between the two trades, like they always do: badly.

Can I download more RAM here?

No. We are an ion shop. Have some respect.